Musings: The Promised View and Brightness Rarely Coincide with Reality

The promised view and brightness rarely coincide with reality - maybe what fucks all of us up in life is not what actually happens - but the idea or picture in our heads of what it should look like. Perhaps self reflection is the most important thing about understanding your own thought patterns and the patterns in your life, maybe we all need to cut off abit of ourselves in order to become the people we are supoosed or destined to be. I had a dream this year - I have been growing my hair meticulously for the first time in my life this year, looking after it and nursing it. But in this dream, I was mortified when a friend cut off all my hair. I was angry and distraught. When I woke up, I looked up what it meant - apprently it means that yure cutting off a bit of yourself that you never thought you would lose, or a piece of yourself that you dont want to lose. At the end of the day all we know that we have is laughter and hope. Its important to have hope that we can be better, but to also know that things will get better regardless of whether or not it looks like the romanticized version that we allow rule our heads and hearts - only ever inevitably ending us up in disappointment. I had a conversation with my friend the other day - the most apt thing I think I had said was that I'm not interested in feigning happiness  or being depressed and wallowing, cause both options are too easy. It's not about playing with good cards, but playing a bad hand well.